I wish I Wore Boots

You know that old saying, "Pull yourself up by your boot straps" ? How do you do that if you don't wear boots??
Excuse my language, but I have been a bitch lately! I snap at nothing, I am constantly cranky and I cried in church twice yesteday for no reason! I am just so lost and tired.

Still no period, so how do I know if I just skipped it? How can I start trying again this month when I have NO idea what day of my cycle I'm on and I can't use an opk? My Dr's appointment isn't for a month, so I am just supposed to wait until then?

I need a plan, I need someting to do. I'm just so tired. Tired of counting days, tired of keeping track of every symptom, tired of keeping a secret, tired of pretending that we are not ready, tired of holding other people's babies and wishing it were mine, tired of hearing she is pregnant, tired of pretending I don't care, tired of going to work everyday and being cheerful, tired of searching the internet for new hope, tired of feeling like all I do is think about this, tired of whining, tired of this fear that it will never happen for us, tired.......