My baby girl smiled at me the other day. A real "honest-to-goodness, I'm really smiling at you because I want to and it's not just gas" smile. My whole world changed. I realized that she will never again just be that tiny, unresponsive bundle of love. This begins the journey of our relationship. I am her world. I am no longer just the person who feeds, changes, and keep her clean. I am now also the one who makes her smile. Unbelievable.
I wanted to call everyone I knew and tell them how my world just got brighter. Then I realized I needed to write about it. I needed to write it down here so I could always come back and look at it. So I could always remember this moment and the next special moments we would share with her. I needed to share it with people who would understand. So here I am again. I'm sorry to all my friends here for abandoning you. I will be trying to catch up (I usually try to get on the computer when I am nursing. You should see me try to type with one hand. Interesting....). Hope you all can forgive me. I will try to update you all on the happenings in the last few month and my birth story. I'm starting to get excited....
No, not the actual labor and delivery part. That part I can handle. It won't last forever. I'm a tough chic. Plenty of woman have gone through it. It's all a part of life. At the end I will hold my beautiful baby and all my dreams of being a mom will be met. No, I am afraid of the events before and after the birth. The family drama.....
We did the hospital tour last night and they reminded us of the visiting policies. I guess I had seen them in the little pamphlet they handed out to us at the doctor's office when we found out we were indeed expecting a little one. Nothing mattered right then though. We were finally having a baby! Everything was awesome and wonderful and the birthday was so very far away. No need to worry about those things. Then the sweet nurse laid down the hammer. Only three people are allowed to visit at one time (this includes the Dad). The reality of this hit me as she was talking (I know, I sound very dramatic right now, but you haven't met either of our moms). Imagine, if you will, having to ask one of our moms, "Can you please leave the room so that one of our friends can come in and see the baby?" If both moms are in the room at the same time, which do you ask to leave?? DW is not allowed to leave. I want him there at all times! I can not handle this alone. He has so much family in the area. We will have people in and out of the room all day. Passing around my baby when all I will want to do is snuggle and stare at her. Oh, did I mention that DW's parents are divorced and his dad will be coming down with his new wife (who my MIL HATES)? Can't wait for that conversation, "Momma S, can you leave so that Pop and his wife can come in and see the baby?" Kill me now. The nail in the coffin; No children under the age of 12 are allowed to visit. My youngest brother is 10.......and a crier.
The stars are smart for having their baby in another country........
Of course she was a little bugger and wouldn't let us see her. The tech poked me and she kicked back! It was really neat to see and feel her move at the same time. The more I look at the pictures the more I fall in love.
We had a very bad lightning storm on Monday and it scared her. She was kicking and moving like I have never felt before! I talked to her and she actually calmed down until the next boom. Then she would start back up again. Poor thing! It was pretty neat though to have her react to my voice.
Did the glucose test and they told me that no news is good news so hopefully I don't hear from them!
Still trying to unpack. Then we get to set up Emma's room! Yeah!!
We moved to the new house Saturday and have no internet! Everything was supposed to be switched over by Saturday, but they didn't do it. After two days and many phone calls, the best they could do was Friday (today), so let's hope it's working when I get home! Haven't had time at work to get on here, but I just wanted to check in. I will post pictures up soon. Monday I have my GD Screening. Praying I pass!! Wednesday I will have the 3D/4D ultrasound! Can't wait!!
Hi! It's me again! Remember me? Sorry it's been so long. So many things have happened since I last wrote, but I haven't had any time to just sit. I still really don't, but I am having a terrible day at work so I decided to post something. One more week until tax season is over! Yeah! Poor DW. I really don't know how he does it. He has been putting in 15-16 hour work days including weekends. I have been going over there most nights after I get off work. We get home and just crash! I feel like we only have a house so we can sleep and take a shower. All meals have been eaten at his desk. Oh well, almost over!
I will post pictures of the house soon. We move in on the 17th, so in between everything else, I have been trying to pack. Last week we agonized over paint colors and bought 25 samples! The poor man at Home Depot thought I was nuts! It was pretty neat seeing the color on the wall for the baby's room. Can't wait until that's done! We have a painter coming in and doing the actual work (I love DW so much for this!!) and the cleaning people will come in right after. Getting very excited.
I will also post a belly picture soon. I think I am finally "popping". Not enough that a stranger would comment, but definitely something there. DW took a few hours off to do the baby registry with me a few weekends ago. He was so sweet and patient! We were getting ready to go to Babies"R"Us and he said "You know, I am pretty excited about this. It's pretty cool stuff." My hear just melted. He was so helpful. I let him have the gun and he went to town. The cutest part was him picking out all the little stuffed animals he wants her to have. So sweet!
DW's dad bought us the crib and dresser, the one I have had my eye on before DW even agreed to start trying! I also found a TON of brand new Pooh room decor on EBay!! Looks like she is going to have the Classic Pooh room after all!! I was pretty proud of myself for snagging the stuff.
After WEEKS of agonizing, I finally picked a travel system. My mom and dad offered to pay for most of it. I love the colors!
The worst part of today was going to a funeral for a 9 month old. They have determined it was SIDS. So horrible. They were family friends that I grew up with and my heart goes out to them. I don't even want to imagine. How do you go on after that?
To end on a more positive note, I want to share with you all a blog I am following. I ran across Kelle's blog Enjoying the Small Things one day through a news article on AOL. She shared the story of her daughter being born with Down's Syndrome and the shock and grief that came with it. I sobbed through that post, but decided to browse through the rest of them. I am in awe of all her photos and how she captures the sweetest moments of her children's lives. She makes motherhood sound so beautiful and desirable. It makes me hunger even more for the day I will hold my little girl and really become "Mommie".
I am going to blog about something totally different today, something that I haven't talked about before on here. I'm sorry if I get too preachy, but it's been weighing on me for the last two days and I need to express me feelings here.
Probably about three or four years ago when I was working at a non-profit arts agency, I had the opportunity to follow up on a project we had funded at the local Council on Aging. This is an adult day care facility that provides stimulating activities and outings for the elderly with dementia and other memory loss problems. The funding we provided allowed the Council to hire an art teacher that specializes in mental illnesses for a six week art session. After they had completed the program, I visited the Council to see the art work and hear how the program had gone. I was moved to tears as the administrator walked me down the halls where the paintings were beautifully framed and on display. Story after story of members who generally could not remember things, had a hard time speaking and couldn't write painted beautiful scenery and poignant events in their life and were able to narrate a caption to go along with the painting. One man painted a vase of his wife's favorite flowers. He said he gave her those same flowers every year for her birthday, but she had died a few years ago and these were the last ones he was able to give her. He even painted one in the vase wilting. The most touching story was from a lady who was diagnosed with a severe case of dementia. She hadn't spoken in almost a year and was living with her daughter. She painted a beautiful scene of the sky. When they asked her why she painted that, she actually began to speak! She told them that she had lost her house and everything that was in it to a hurricane the year before and it made her very sad. This was the view she used to see every morning from her house. It turned out she did not have dementia at all, she was just severely depressed! When her daughter came to pick her up and they told her what had happened, she started sobbing and was able to finally talk to her mom and get her the help she needed. All from a therapy art class! I came back from that meeting energized about the job I was doing. Anytime anyone asked me exactly what our agency did, I excitedly told them the stories and showed copies of the paintings they had given to me.
Fast forward to my current job. I was thrilled when they decided that our company needed to get involved with the community and the people we served (we create software for nursing home and rehab facilities so that their therapists can provide the proper care their patients need) and that volunteering at the Council would be a good fit for us! I spoke to my supervisor about helping out with the program and shared with him my previous experience with the Council. He decided that I should coordinate the volunteer dates and recruit our employees. I went the first time, right around Christmas. It was such a touching and rewarding experience! We played games with the "club members" and I had the opportunity to sit with one of them and listen as she told me all about her daughter and her childhood. She smiled the whole time and kept asking when we were coming back. I thought for sure that when I got back to the office and shared my experience, it would excite the other employees and make them want to sign up. No such luck. It has been like pulling teeth to get volunteers. Every one I do get some to go they have a great time and want to go back, but it doesn't affect the others. If I do get them to sign up, they cancel on me the day of and I am short. I then either have to fill in myself, or beg other people to fill in. Today being one such event. I had one person cancel yesterday and another cancel this morning! It just proves to me the attitudes of the people I am surrounded by. Even though the president of our company expressed his passion for this program and it's importance, they just don't care. Their own agenda is just more important. We are even paying them for the time they are they!! They just can't inconvenience themselves for even just a few hours. Guess I should have offered Disney tickets.
I am a very happily married 20 something whose life-long dream of "Mommyhood" with my wonderful husband began July 5th, 2010. After one year and two months of trying and heartbreak we finally have our beautiful daughter Emma. It's been a trying road to get to this point in our lives, but we couldn't be happier. Being a Mommy is more incredible than I could ever imagine and I can't wait to see what's to come!