Wait! Need to Adjust the Focus

I was all set this morning to write a whiny depressing post this morning. I may still whine a little (it is my blog, I'm allowed) but I think this post will be so much more.

First the bad news. DW called yesterday afternoon and told me we lost the bid on our dream house. The house we have been in love for over a year. The house that was so out of reach, then a miracle happened and it was a possibility and now the door has closed forever. I cried. Just sat in my office and sobbed. Blame it on the hormones. It's just a stupid house, but in that area I am completely, totally, mentally exhausted. We have been actively looking since May '09. We have looked at literally hundreds of houses online and in person. We have made offers, we have prayed. Still nothing. I really can't think about starting all over again. It's like a bad break-up. You just don't have the energy for another relationship. Poor DW is just as crushed. He came home earlier than planned yesterday (and brought me a Starbucks decaf frap), even though he is in the throws of tax season, just so we could be together and talk before his softball game. My poor boss came in my office when I was on the phone, saw my red eyes and panicked. As soon as I got of the phone, I went to his office to assure him the baby was fine, as I suspected he assumed was the issue. His answer was, "God is Sovereign". I know this, but at that very moment I don't want a fix. I want to scream inside and question. His words kept playing in my head though. As I was on my way home. As I was waiting for DW to come home. Then a friend called and gave me some great news about her and her situation. That really lifted my spirits and reminded my that yes, God is Sovereign. I still don't know why he makes us struggle so much. I still don't have answers, but who does? If anyone claims to, they lie.
Then, this morning my cell phone rang. I knew it was the doctor's office as soon as I saw the number. I almost didn't want to answer the phone. We tested negative for everything. Down's, spinal bifida and the thousands of other things they tested for that I don't even know. Negative for all. My baby is healthy and growing. We have our miracle baby and where we live or what we drive doesn't matter. We have this miracle. And then the picture came into focus. We may lose the little things, but we win the important ones. We have to fight hard, but we get blessed in the end. That's what really matters. I will forget all this tomorrow. I will whine again and question. I will look at our apartment and the little maintenance issues and wonder how we will make it through my nesting stage, but I will survive. God is Sovereign.

P.s. The best moment of the day was DW's face when he felt the baby